My Favorite Books of 2011

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Sometimes I feel like other people read books only so that they can tell people about the books that they read so that they can appear to be one of “those people” who read books.  Maybe that’s exactly what I’m doing with this list! Or not. It’s impossible to tell, really.

5. Cultural Amnesia by Clive James

I didn’t “read” this book so much as “read through” it. It’s basically a collection of short essays on the merit of various artists and intellectuals of western humanism. Cultural Amnesia is the sort of book that makes you feel smart for doing nothing. You can flip through it and instantly get a snapshot of the relative cultural importance of Norman Mailer or Sartre or whatever and then you feel like you knew it all along, but really you are the same old dummy, just an ever-so-slightly better read dummy.

You should read this book if: You have lots of friends with advanced degrees and you want to appear smarter than you really are so you can just leave it on your bookshelf and maybe they’ll see it and be impressed.

4. The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris

Theodore Roosevelt is one of my favorite presidents for many reasons. He was a towering  and multi-faceted figure who built himself up from a sickly child of privilege to a swashbuckling pugilist, cow-puncher, fearless infantryman, and frontier lawman. He also housed an intellect that often gets overlooked in the wake of his other achievements. He was a prolific author and once wrote a biography of Oliver Cromwell just to pass the time while on vacation. He made contributions to the fields of taxidermy and ornithology and was one of the first major conservationists. In short, he was fascinating and awesome.

You should read this book if: You have the slightest interest in U.S. history/You want to experience the crushing realization that no matter how much you accomplish in your life, it will pale in comparison to any one year period of the life of Theodore Roosevelt.

3. How the Beatles Destroyed Rock ‘n’ Roll by Elijah Wald

The title of this book is completely misleading, but that doesn’t make it any less provocative. In reality, this book is about the fundamental shift that popular music took in the mid 20th century once recorded music supplanted live performances as the dominant form of music consumption. In short, Wald focuses on music that was actually popular from the 20′s to the mid 70′s and upends some long-held beliefs about the evolution of pop music. It doesn’t have THAT much to do with the Beatles. Anyway, it was good.

You should read this book if: You want to impress people at parties with in-depth knowledge about little-known big band leaders from the 1930′s.

2. Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

Steve Martin is a lot of things nowadays. Banjo guy. Playwright. Mediocre family comedy film impresario. He started of course, as a stand-up comedian, THE stand-up comedian of the 70′s really, who could fill entire stadiums with his bizarre and dadaist comedy stylings. I didn’t know much about his act until I read this book, which primarily focuses on the early days of his stand-up career. While I read it, I compulsively youtube’d the various famous bits he created and realized how much of an innovator he was for stand-up comedy in general. I mean, his stuff was WEIRD. And it was impossibly popular too, which compared to the highest grossing comedy acts of today (ahem, DANE COOK) just makes me kind of sad.

You should read this book if: You like laughing and/or smiling and feeling good.

1. Live From New York: An Uncensored Histroy of Saturday Night Live by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller

This one might not count because I’m not quite finished with it, but this is my list so butt out haters. (Just an FYI before you decide to hate: I let my haters be my motivators.)

I’ve always been an SNL apologist and have found that people who invariably decry the current version of the show to be THE WORST CAST EVER are simply pining for the version of SNL they loved when they started watching it at age 13. (Seriously in ten years time, today’s 13-year-olds will pine for Kristen Wiig’s antics and deem the future hover-cast as “turbo-lame.”)

ANYWAY, this book is incredible if you are remotely a fan of the show. It is a loosely structured oral-history of the show that lets you get a peek into the sometimes insane workings of SNL. Also, it’s like a thousand pages long so I’m guessing only fans of the show would have the patience to wade through the whole thing. The book focuses quite a bit on the early days of the show, which is fine because of the talent of the original cast and because nearly everyone involved in those days were massive drug addicts which makes for more interesting anecdotes.

You should read this book if: You have an extra 30 or 40 hours and like stories about people taking drugs and making a late night sketch comedy show.

My Favorite Songs of 2011

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Hey remember how I used to sometimes write about music on this blog? And make exhaustive year-end lists? And how in reality absolutely no one cares about what kind of music other people like no matter how much they may feign interest? And when you make list of the “best albums of the year” you are somehow implying that you actually LISTENED to every single album released and are therefore able to objectively judge them against each other, which of course is IMPOSSIBLE?

So in that spirit allow me to indulge in a list of my ten favorite songs of the year. Mind you that a few of these were not released this year, but whatever man it’s my list.

10. Whiskeytown: A Song For You

This song has been on heavy rotation for me for what seems like many years, and I just don’t ever seem to get sick of it. Maybe it’s the layered instrumentation, or the plaintive lyrics (originally a Gram Parsons song), but this song just does something to the pleasure center of my brain. It…tickles it maybe?

You should listen to this if: You enjoy mid-tempo ballads/crying in public/staring wistfully at things

9. Wilco: One Sunday Morning

The new Wilco album was very solid, and to me this song was the standout track. Basing a 10 minute song on two chords and a simple riff is a very Wilco thing to do, but it pays off in this case.

You should listen to this if: You would like to be lulled into a hazy sense of satisfaction like when you take a nap after eating a large portion of mashed potatoes.

8. M83: Midnight City

In a year when vaguely 80′s synth rock became de rigueur (otherwise described as “Drive soundtracky”) this song achieves the impressive feat of not only not being annoying, but featuring a non-awful extended sax solo. Well played.

You should listen to this if: You were born in the 90′s but want to pretend that you remember the 80′s/You un-ironically enjoy gated synth drums.

7. Frontier Ruckus: Mona and Emmy

I have a theory that the easier it is to describe a genre of music, the harder it is to write a good song in that style. For example, everyone knows exactly what bluegrass is and therefore it’s pretty tough to write a good bluegrass song since the genre’s hallmarks are so rigidly codified. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that this is just a really good folk-rock song in a world choked with mediocre ones.

You should listen to this if: You bought a bolo tie but are too afraid to wear it/You think the Oakridge Boys are criminally underrated.

6. My Morning Jacket: Holding Onto Black Metal

I say this as a fan, but My Morning Jacket are a weird band. They randomly vacillate between jam band antics, haunting southern rock, and space rock weirdness. This song falls firmly in the weird spacey rock category, but it’s got a vintage edge to it that I find delightful.

You should listen to this if: You like to rock, but not necessarily roll.

5. Radical Face: Mountains

Radical Face’s new album was fairly incredible and this track is just an example of the overall strength of the whole thing. I’m continually surprised at Radical Face’s (née Ben Cooper) ability to build spine tingling climaxes with relatively rinky-dink woodshed production values. Good job, man.

You should listen to this if: The idea of a concept album following several generations of a fictional family doesn’t sound totally insufferable to you.

4. Ryan Adams: Ashes and Fire

Every time Ryan Adams releases an album I try to contain my expectations because I’ve been burned so many times, and honestly, this year’s Ashes and Fire didn’t quite live up to the hype surrounding it as his “comeback record.” BUT, the title track is lovely. STRAIGHT UP LOVELY.

You should listen to this if: Just listen to it, OK? I’m tired of arguing about every little thing. Are you even listening to me?? Don’t look at me like that. I’m going to bed.

3. Ween: Flutes of Chi

I know I said My Morning Jacket is a weird band, but Ween makes them look like the Osmonds. However, Ween has their moments of transcendent normalcy, and Flutes of Chi is one of those. I like this song for a lot of reasons: it seems to calm and excite in equal measures and the melody is earwormy without being cloying. Also, I have to note that it’s 11 years old.

You should listen to this if: You like the smell of incense.

2. Wye Oak: Civilian

Wye Oak is an extremely likable band (a male/female duo! A cute blond singer!) that makes melancholic rock music, and the title track from this year’s Civillian is just outstanding. I sometimes wonder if shrouding lead singer Jenn Wasner’s voice in reverb is a good idea, but for this particular track it just works. IN SPADES!

You should listen to this if: You aren’t afraid of happiness.

1. El May: Hero

So, my most favorite song of the year is some random piano dirge by a no-name band. What gives? Well, this song is featured in a movie called The Baxter (it’s sort of a Howard Hawks-ish romantic comedy that is half parody and half warm-hearted homage to classic rom-coms) that I saw  this year.

ANYWAY, in the movie Michelle Williams plays a bookish, aspiring singer (Roger Ebert called her “as cute as two buttons”) who sings this song and it SLAYED me when I saw it, and therefore I formed some sort of weird attachment to it, even though I will freely admit it’s not the most dynamic song. I mean, I’m just being HONEST here. I could have picked a more hip song but I’m just being totally REAL with you guys.

You should listen to this if: Ummm, maybe you shouldn’t unless you see the movie first. Or do. Whatever. I can’t make all of your decisions for you.

Pretty Good

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I almost printed this out and mailed to friends and family, but then I realized that doing so may very well have been the final step in my transition to a full-fledged sociopath. At any rate, Merry Christmas and you’re welcome/I’m so sorry.

Royal Mounted Fashion Police

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It’s no secret that I like clothes and shoes and men’s “fashion” (whatever that means), which is kind of funny because 90 percent of the time I dress pretty crappy. Like, moderately crappy at least.

Anyway, since I tend to look at men’s clothing and fashion retail sites I get custom-served ads with men’s clothing offers on them. (KOOL! The internet wants me to DRESS BETTER. Thanks internet.)

The other day I saw an ad for a site called Indochino that sells custom men’s suits. Now, I’ve been to their site before and been mildly intrigued, but not enough to really LOOK AROUND. The difference THIS TIME though, was that the star of the ads was Phoenix Suns point guard and Canadian Steve Nash.

This was funny to me for a few reasons, mainly that Steve Nash is a weird-looking dude and one of the last people I would expect to appear in an ad for men’s suits. If anything he would endorse some sort of hair-thickener or hemp extract or something. (I’m not sure if it’s his Candianess, but I always figured that Steve was sort of a hippie.)

He’s advertising his own line of suits, which to be fair look like very nice suits! But the photos of Steve modeling those suits!! Yiiikes. Can you feel embarrassed for someone so much that it gives a physiological response, like a sneeze or something? Because if so I would be embarrassment-sneezing all over the place for poor Steve.

Where to start? I’m guessing they had the photographer talk to Steve and say something like: “Hey man, just be loose out there, you know, have fun with it.” And in Steve’s mind it came across as, “Remember the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine dances all crazy? Just do a slightly restrained version of that.” So you’ve got Steve shuffle-dance-posing all over the place, but they also made sure to put the collar of his suit up in every picture (presumably because one of the unique ”features” of the suit is a custom-colored under collar) which is not a good look for anyone at all let alone bovine-looking Canadian point guards.

I guess my point is, don’t feel too bad for Steve Nash because he’s rich and successful. Wait, that wasn’t really my point was it? Now I’m not sure what the point was other than “look at these embarrassing Steve Nash pictures.” That seems like a good enough point for me.

Pork Wars

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I swear I'm not going to talk about restaurants too much and morph into Guy Fieri. I SWEAR.

So there are a couple of restaurants that are nearly exactly the same. You know what they are.

The Vida. The Rio. Both loved and hated depending on who you talk to. (I guess you could include Bajio and Chipotle in this conversation, but for my money they are interlopers at best.)

My loyalties lie with Costa Vida for a myriad of reasons, some autobiographical and some culinary. When I lived in Logan, there was only a Costa Vida and no Cafe Rio to rival it for at least a year so there initially was no choice to make. If you wanted a huge sweet pork burrito covered in green stuff you went to the Vida. If you wanted a sandwich you went to the Old Grist Mill. If you wanted hepatitis C you went to El Toro Viejo. (Just kidding Toro Viejo fans, if you do in fact exist! I only dined there once and I probably didn’t get hepatitis C.)

But, after a while they built a Cafe Rio in Logan and then you had a choice to make. There were several factors to consider:

  1. Decor: Do you want to hang out in a fake Mexican village that looks like a failed Epcot pavilion or a place that plays 10-year-old surfing videos on a loop and has a fake waterfall?
  2. Service: Do you want your food makers to yell out undecipherable phrases at random intervals (EXXXXXXTRAAA MEEEAT!) or do you want to get harangued about surveys every time you try to pay?
  3. Crowd Issues: Do you want to be herded like so many swine (about to be transformed into SWEET PORK) into a chute and then have nowhere to sit when you finally get your food, or do you want to deal with the spookiness of the fake waterfall gurgling to itself while the surf video cries out for the attention of the three indifferent patrons? (Seriously it’s like the dead zone in there sometimes.)

This brings us to the most important consideration of all, the napkins. Just kidding!! I mean the FOOD. How is the FOOD?

In regards to situations where two restaurants make nearly identical food, people tend to fixate on the smallest differences. In the battle of the Vida and the Rio it seems that the pork salad is the main battleground since it is (probably) the most popular menu item. I, however, have never had a pork salad. Therefore, the relative merits of the tomatillo dressings at each establishment do not interest me in the slightest.

For me, it’s all about the pork and the tortillas, and this is where I believe the Vida handily outdoes its opponent. But in reality, the food is SO SIMILAR that I ultimately find arguments about which is better completely stupid. But yet, I still prefer the Vida, and make no bones about it. You hear that people? NO BONES.

Anyway, the next time you hear someone arguing with someone else about which of these two places is superior just tell them that you got hepatitis C at your less favorite of the two. That usually shuts them up.

Chase Reviews Everything: This Old Jaw-Harp

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We live in a world that is slowly descending into the burning chaos of apathy, indifference, and possibly the bankruptcy of the human spirit itself. In times like these, people are looking for something substantial to guide them through the sandstorm of indecision and doubt that has crept silently into their lives like a disgusting stray cat.

This is why I have decided to provide a vital public service in the form of informative consumer reviews. As the title states, I will review anything in my purview, be it animal, mineral, ephemeral, or even just some piece of junk I have sitting on my desk.

This is a photo of some old jaw-harp I’ve had since I was sixteen years old. That makes it the oldest musical instrument that I posses. Older than any of my guitars or banjos. Older than my tambourines and shakers and sousaphones. (Just kidding I don’t own a tambourine!) So, what’s the deal? Is it fun to play? Does it sound good? What is it, even?

This old jaw-harp, makes that twangy jaw harp sound that people LOVE to hear, and that has been featured in such songs as The Red Hot Chili Pepper’s, Give it Away Now and probably no others. I guess it’s sort of hard to play without it hitting your teeth and making a chattering noise, but a couple hours of practice will take care of that.

Pros:

  • It is ever so slightly impressive when you show people how it works. Ever so the slightest bit impressive!
  • It’s made of metal. I suppose it wouldn’t sound the same if it was made of wet paper.
  • It gives you the air of “someone who owns a jaw-harp” which I guess is better than some of the other airs you could have.

Cons:

  • My buddy Dan has a jaw-harp that seem to be much higher quality and not made of lead(?) or something like this old one is. So maybe it’s made of lead? That probably isn’t good.
  • Someone might remember you as “the guy who had a jaw-harp.”
  • It’s not made of pure gold. I just sort of want something made of pure gold.

Overall, I would say my satisfaction with this old jaw-harp is roughly 6.8/10. Get one for yourself and be as marginally pleased with it as I am!

Apolobloggin’

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Whoa you guys. Look at the date today. It’s late September or something, right? Whoa.

Normally at this point I would do the standard blog thing of apologizing for not posting in SO LONG. And then catch up on all the COOL STUFF I’ve been doing the last few weeks. But I’m not in the apologizing mood right now. So I will remain UNREPENTANT in my blog tardiness. DO YOU HEAR ME? UNREPENTANT!

Haha lol. It is sort of funny when you come across blogs that are basically just a string of apologies about how they never write. Someone has probably made up a funny name for blogs like that, maybe “Apoloblogs” or something dumb like that. What a dumb name! Whoever made that name up is a bad person and should feel bad.

So instead of doing one of those posts, I’m going to do the kind that just sort of end before it